How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
