my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
