saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
