Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
