It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
