I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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