Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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