so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
