I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
