Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
