did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
