you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
