Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
