Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
