at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
