You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
