he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
