do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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