Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
