We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
