We named our party play list daddy issues
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
