thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
