I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
