It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
