No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
