He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
