ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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