either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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