i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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