I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
