he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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