I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
