i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
