My liver just broke up with me...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He felt like a one man threesome
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
