I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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