I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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