I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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