They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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