guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
