i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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