and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
