Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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