Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
