fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My penis needs a shock collar
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
