Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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