you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
