Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This house was built for laser tag.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
