Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
