He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
