You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my being single is dangerous.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
