i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
