I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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