My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
