: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
