he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I puked a lego.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
