Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We had to coat check the pizza.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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