Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
