Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
